The day we headed for the doctor's office wondering if I was in labor, it was hot and muggy.
By the time we left the hospital with baby in tow, it was fall.
Granted, it was Michigan and the seasons move rather quickly there.......but still.
It wasn't what I'd prayed for.
I'd prayed for a healthy baby, and I hadn't received it.
Instead, I'd delivered a beautiful baby girl with a heart problem.
The doctor said that it should start closing on its own.
He said he'd check her at the six-week mark and was quite hopeful it would be closed by then.
He said he'd check her at the three-month mark and was quite sure it would be completely healed by then.
He wanted to see her at six-months, quite positive that it would be normal by then.
He checked her at the eleven-month mark and it was still open allowing oxygenated and deoxygenated blood to mix freely.
The pressure on her heart constant, hard.
Every time I'd prayed, I'd prayed for healing to come...
And it hadn't.
The doctor said her heart needed to be checked before she reached three years old.
If it was not healed by then, she would need surgery.
In March we went to the pediatrician.
We'd hoped and prayed for this day.
We'd prayed that when he put the stethoscope to her little chest that he would hear the strong pounding of blood flowing properly....
but he didn't.
Instead he heard the constant swishing of the "blue" and red blood swirling inside that tiny heart.
The murmur that told him everything was wrong.
I put on a happy face, but inside I was torn apart.
God had not answered my prayer.....
not the way I thought he should.
God is praised and glorified in miracles!
Why hadn't He done a miracle for me?
As we went quietly home, we wondered what He wanted the next step to be.
In the weeks that followed, we were dealt test after test, trial after trial.
They culminated in one of the hardest nights we've had in a long time.
We prayed for God to remove the problem....
but He didn't.
So we surrendered to Him.
And that night?
We saw Him walk us through the driving, pounding darkness, and come out on the other side at peace.
He didn't answer my prayers that night the way I wanted Him to, because He knew what was best for me.
He walked through the valley with me.
His presence was felt.
And so we prepare again to enter a shadowy place.
On Thursday we will go to the hospital in the capital city.
We are praying that we will be able to see the heart doctor and get the test done that is needed.
With all my being, I hope he will say that she is healed.
but he may not.
I don't want her to have to be cut open....
but he may say she needs it.
I want Him to answer my prayers my way,
but He doesn't have to.
And if He asks me to go through a hard place, a rocky place, a place where I'm completely at His mercy?
Then He'll go with me.
Of that, I am certain.
If you think of it, we would appreciate your prayers as our family heads to Accra this week.
Please pray that the heart doctor will be able to see Lili, that the machine for the test will be working, and that God will give us continued guidance and wisdom as to what should be done for her.
Thank you, friends.